Quiet Desperation

As sad as it may sound, I have been suffering in silence for most of my life. I have been suffering and blaming everything around me for the pain. Never enough time. Never enough sleep. Never enough money. That was until today.

Today I realised something profound; I am the author om my life. I am the reason for my pain. My own disinterested stroll through life’s valleys is the reason for all of my missed opportunities. I m to blame – and only I can change that. I like blaming my past for my struggles – it’s convenient, easy, inaccurate. Blaming yesterday for a problem I’m facing today is only productive, or relevant, if I plan to change today.

Today is different. Today is not yesterday. I can not go back and change things I’ve said or done. I can not go back and right past wrongs.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve come to this conclusion. This isn’t the first time that I sit here, typing away about how my life is going to change. This isn’t the first time, but it needs to be the last. I won’t survive another downfall. I won’t survive another disappointment. Today is different, because today is the day that all this changes.

I will put my focus on going forward, not looking back. I need to.

I think that I have finally reached a point where I don’t have much of a choice. This is it. Today, I start rebuilding my life or it will all come crashing down tomorrow. This is my moment. This is my biggest opportunity and this is the first time that I absolutely will not let go. Today – when I feel defeated, I know that it is only because I haven’t figured it all out yet – and thats ok. What is not ok is acknowledging that defeat and doing nothing about it.

I am a human being. I am not perfect. I can only be as great as I know I can be and that is where my power lies.

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One response to “Quiet Desperation

  1. Hi Nadine,

    I think all you said is true. Don’t look at the past, it is gone!
    Just keep going… as the life hasn’t gave up of you, don’t give up for her.
    Please, allow me to say just one thing for your reflexion.
    Be absolutely honesty with yourself if you’re capable to do this without external help.
    Possibly a proper professional help.
    I know how is hard to try win from something is invisible and beyound our range.

    As another soul that has been faced the hell and keep still surviving, I hope for your definitive win!! 🙂
    Cheers!

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